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From "Why me, God?" to "Use me, God!"
January 17, 2018
Where to begin…I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. I was born just fifteen minutes after my sweet twin sister. My two other incredible siblings and parents anxiously awaited our arrival. My sister was the perfect healthy baby; 10 fingers and 10 toes. Then I came along and I was not that perfect healthy little girl that my parents dreamed of. I was different. I was what the doctors called DISABLED.
Who knew that label would follow me my entire life. I was born with a very rare spinal disorder called Sacral Agenesis.
WHY ME, GOD?
I am missing three parts of my lower spine, my feet are paralyzed, and I was born with no calf muscles. By the time I was able to talk I had been through several surgeries. I was raised in a Christian home amidst the most incredible family of believers in Jesus Christ. I was taught the word of God and the hope of the gospel. My parents always faithfully communicated to me that He was the perfect Creator and He had a plan in the midst of the pain and confusion. I could not fathom why a perfect God would create a mistake and how could He possibly love that mistake? Looking back I always knew I was different, not like everyone else. The world consistently reminded me of that. For so long I felt alone, broken, abnormal, and afraid; never sure of where I belonged. I went through my teenage years trying searching to know the God of the Bible; the God who healed the leper’s and the blind, the God who wiped away the tears of His people, the God who is righteous in all His acts, including His judgment. Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” I went on a search to know Him and He radically changed my life! He tore down the roots of bitterness and anger. He healed my heart and suddenly, the physical healing became of no value compared to the great work He did on my heart!
This is the moment when my life changed from "why me, God?" to "use me, God!" This was the moment when I realized that God had not made a mistake, he made me EXACTLY the way he wanted to make me. Just as it says in Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
To my fellow broken sisters and brothers in Christ, hold tight to this truth in John chapter 9 “As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”
USE ME, GOD! Use my brokenness, use my disability, use my perfectly imperfect body for your glory!
May you and I display the work of our sweet Savior who healed us by His stripes!