As I was driving down the road, in Myrtle Beach, my mom and I were talking about the many trees uprooted from Hurricane Matthew. I noticed in the rear view mirror as my niece stretched as far as possible in her car seat to look out the window. She was desperate to see what we saw. No matter how much she stretched she was constrained by her car seat’s buckle. She stated, “Mop, I can’t see it.” My mom sweetly looked over and said “Landry, just trust me. I promise it’s there.” In her innocent 4-year-old voice she said, “Mop, I can’t trust you until I see it.” We both died laughing. Oh Landry, you have no idea how much we have in common.
Landry loves my mother fiercely. If there is anyone she trusts besides her parents, it is her grandparents, aunt’s and uncles. I have seen her trust firsthand multiple times. This past weekend she slid down a tunnel slide solely because my brother said he would catch her. She could not see his waiting hands down at the bottom. She just trusted his words. Honestly, that statement she made in the car is totally opposite of the life she lives. Yet, it is not the opposite of mine. I know the Lord allowed that moment to speak directly into my heart. “Betsy, this is you. You will not trust me unless you see a glimpse or the direction I’m taking you. ” I have to see before I move forward into the unknown. I doubt the direction in the darkness. For me, often seeing is believing. Is that you?
“Now Thomas, one of the twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.” Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
I believe in a Savior that I have never seen with my two eyes. I believe with every ounce of my being He died the death meant for me and rose again three days later so that I may live. One day He is coming back on a white horse to redeem and restore all that is broken. I have never seen Him with my human eyes. Yet, I believe in Him. How is it possible that I not only believe in Jesus but I trust Him for my salvation; yet I struggle to trust Him with my daily life? Just call me doubting Thomas.
I keep asking Him to give me a small snippet. Show me a brief view of what’s ahead. Ministry is scary. Raising support is terrifying. I confess, more often than not, that I am on my face begging God for a glimpse. Show me where Small Enough is going and I will go. In His grace He often gives me glimpses. My heart is so thankful. Yet, I often trust the glimpse more than the Giver. I am constrained by my human mind and fears. I falter in my trust of the Lord and His plan for my life. Several months ago I was sitting in my car considering stepping out full time and the Lord whispered in my spirit, “Betsy, you have more fear of the enemy than faith in Me.” Not long after that, a dear friend gave me a key necklace with the words “fearless” etched on it. She said, “This reminds me of you.” At first I thought, oh gracious I have her fooled. She has no idea how afraid I am. Finally, I found myself one evening crying out to the Lord begging Him to take me where He wanted me to go. No matter where it was, I had to go. My very bones were crying out.
I have learned over the last several months that God is refining me. He is making me brave, making me fearless. The first step is walking through my greatest fear. Stepping out full time and following His lead, trusting His voice and walking in His calling for my life. For so long the darkness and the unknown left my feet frozen to the ground, unmoving. We must forget the darkness; the Light of the World is a lamp unto our feet. Forget the unknown, the All Knowing God is directing our steps. Forget the Fear, His perfect love casts it out.
So friends that’s where you find me today, walking directly into the unknown with trembling little legs and eyes fixed on my Father. Sometimes I find myself back in the place of Doubting Thomas. Sometimes I am my niece straining to see the unknown. Begging my Savior to remove the buckle of humanity and let me see His divine plan with my own eyes. Yet, just as He told Thomas after His resurrection… “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” Today and the days ahead I will choose to trust my Jesus whose nail scarred hands I have never seen, yet I know they were wounded for me. I will trust my Jesus whose side was pierced for my transgressions. Not because my eyes have seen the wounds but because my heart knows the one wounded for me. My Jesus who bled, died, and rose again will never take me on a journey where His Kingdom will not come and His will is not done. So friends, ready or not Small Enough is walking this journey with Jesus. Will you considering joining Small Enough on this journey?
He's BIG and I'm little,